Perhaps I’m unwise to mention this, but for some time now I’ve been hearing voices. It doesn’t happen all the time, but when it does it tends to be while I’m trying to watch a film on TV. I may be possessed by evil spirits, or god may be speaking to me directly. Unfortunately either my evil spirits are Polish or god is Polish. Either way I can only understand about one word in ten, so it’s a highly ineffective method of urging me to commit evil acts or of passing on new revelations to mankind. I could make absurd translation errors and mess the whole thing up.
As much as I’m flattered to have been picked out for special attention by evil spirits and/or god it makes trying to watch Mel Gibson movies very frustrating. The Voice usually butts in about a third of the way through every sentence, so I catch the first three words and then the rest is drowned out by gibberish. It is a little vexing.
But he killed… YADA YADA YADA YADA YADA
No it was… YADA YADA YADA YADA YADA
My uncle has… YADA YADA YADA YADA YADA
It has been suggested to me that this is just something called a ‘lektor,’ but I’m afraid I’m far too sensible to believe in mythical characters of that kind. Imagine employing somebody to read over all the lines spoken by 17 different actors, male and female, when the perfectly sensible alternative of having subtitles exists – do I look that gullible?
Subtitles: Helping people understand stuff since 1647 (except in Poland)
And anyway I hear them on the tram too.
I love the tram voices. They’re quite helpfully rather than being pointlessly obfuscatory. In Krakow I used to hear the voice of Anna Dymna telling me the name of the next tram stop. She was pretty sexy:
Następny przystanek Plac Inwalidów… aaaaah
Następny przystanek… actually I live just around the corner, perhaps you’d like to come up for a coffee… or something.
Anna Dymna and her apples. Yes, it is worth looking for the original non-cropped image.
These days I hear the voice of Grzegorz Turnau, probably as a punishment for my lascivious imaginings. What next, Krzysztof Globisz!? Cardinal Franciszek Macharski? Doh!
The next stop is HELL… You’re all going to HELL!!
One day they will have Madonna (not THE) and Brad Pitt reading the next stop announcements, with a lektor of course.
The first rule of fight club is that the next stop is… YADA YADA YADA YADA
Enough of this nonsense. They guy on the left is definitely Lithuanian… if you zoom in you can read the label in the back of his shirt and it definitely says ‘made in Lithuania’ in Chinese (reversed).