12 warning signs Poland should have

Visitors to Poland could use a few official warning signs to help them cope. Here are twelve signs I would like to see put up at strategic locations around Poland’s tourist spots.


Men with shaved heads are not necessarily ex-convicts or skinheads (though they might be)

* * *


Churchill is not as universally popular as you might have been led to believe

* * *


This shop has no change, and by the time you leave neither will you

* * *


Proper dancing, with feet, is expected in this area

* * *


High risk of non-ironic 70s-style moustaches in this area

* * *


Handshaking is required at ALL times

* * *


Hordes of ridiculously attractive women – please watch where you are walking

* * *


Wedding feast area – do not attempt to eat everything

* * *


Designated English-tourist area – men wearing dresses may not leave this zone

* * *


High risk of Polish tongue twisters

* * *


Do not drink between vodka shots

* * *


Non-stereotype zone – expectations of tractor factories and food queues will not be met

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14 thoughts on “12 warning signs Poland should have

  1. Scatts says:

    “King of the Road Signs” strikes again!

  2. MaterialGirl says:

    How it’s possible to be: “ridiculously attractive”/śmiesznie/absurdalnie atrakcyjnym? To be clown?

  3. siuniab says:

    Thanks for bringing a smile, needed a little levity after Mr. Cheerful impersonations.

  4. island1 says:

    ImmaterialGirl: Easy. “Ridiculously” is a common modifier, like “absurdly.” It’s English. Trust me, I know what I’m doing, I’m a doctor.

    Siuniab: Scatts and I have slipped into the roles of good cop – bad cop. He beats you senseless in a darkened cell than I come in and offer you tea and biscuits. By this means we hope to achieve world domination.

  5. Scatts says:

    I suffer from clinical depression and island1 is always pissed & happy!

  6. Kuba says:


    With socialized medicine you should be able to get fixed in a few years.
    ; )

  7. Pawel says:

    Yes, Island1 and Scatts fight for word domination killing each other off and then everything is MINE! HAHAHAH :>

  8. yellerbelly says:

    The top one suggests “Flying Saucer Observation Point”. Other than that, my imagination fails me.

    You should perhaps include “High risk of pedestrians randomly throwing themselves in front of your car in an attempt to cross the road without looking” amongst them. I add a notch to my bumper everytime I take one out. Yes, I know. I’m liable because of their stupidity.

  9. Anon says:

    “Ridiculously attractive” sounds to me like “how the hell they did it (that they are so attractive)”.

  10. […] believes that “[v]isitors to Poland could use a few official warning signs to help them cope”: “Here are twelve signs I would like to see put up at strategic […]

  11. […] believes that “[v]isitors to Poland could use a few official warning signs to help them cope”: “Here are twelve signs I would like to see put up at strategic […]

  12. Kristen says:

    I wish to officially add myself to your adoring fan list. I have spent the afternoon reading your articles and LOVING your writing style. I am a Żona Polskiego człowieka (wife of a Polish person) and lived in Poland for a while in 2007. Your column on the Polish wedding was priceless as were many of the others! As soon as my husband gets his Aussie citizenship, we’re on our way back to Poland! I will be making a regular habit of reading your articles, keep up the great work!

  13. 25 000 years, I calculated it. About 670 000 patients and one hospital ward (in Kraków) specialized in therapy.
    But in every town is at least one psychiatrist who can say “I’m doctor and I know. It’s schizophrenia.”
    It’s typical to Poland – plumbers who spoils, the doctors who harm – all of them are called “doświadczeni fachowcy”.

  14. I love it! And it’s so true! On our honeymoon, my American husband said that about the Polish women, that it was unnatural how many hot women Poland has!

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