10 reasons why you should be a Polandian writer

Polandian has been going for two years now. Over this epic span of time the original band of seven Polandian writers has been whittled down to just two. Some have dropped out to spend more time in the real world, whatever that is, some have succumbed to internet fame and checked into rehab and some I have simply had shot. Now we need fresh talent. Here are ten reasons why you should write for a website that has been viewed 937,202 times in the past 24 months.

1. Knowledge
You know something about Poland, or at least where it is on a map. This may be the result of having lived in Poland, spending time with other people who have lived in Poland or simply being in possession of a map and too much free time.

2. Let your talent shine!
You know how to write and have a dark secret desire to have other people read what you write and make poorly-reasoned comments about it.

3. Sheer bloody mindedness
You have read Polandian in the past and are secure in the certain knowledge that you could do it better. You’re almost certainly right.

4. Spiritual enrichment
It’s January and you are looking for that life-changing challenge that will kick start your plan for the new you. Web-based fame in Poland is a place to start. Not a particularly good place, but have you seen the state of yourself recently.

5. Stress relief
Nine out of ten doctors who have been bribed to appear on television say you are stressed. This is, in itself, a huge source of stress that can only be alleviated by writing a blog post about it. I suggest “How writing for Polandian made me a stress free and happy person.” See how easy it is?

6. Meet interesting and influential people
If this ever happens to you write to us here at Polandian and tell us what it’s like.

7. Help the community
There is nothing that brings a glow to the innocent cheek of a Polish child more quickly than the sight of a bad-tempered foreigner locking himself away in his bedroom to write for Polandian. Do your community a favor, get the hell off the streets and write for Polandian.

8. Become attractive to women and/or men
If there’s anything more sexy than a famous internet writer then I’ve yet to hear about it. If Scatts and myself weren’t married men we’d almost certainly be playing the field in a country renowned as the babe capital of the world. Hang on… I just made myself sad.

9. Gain respect
Just the other day I was stopped on the street by a Krakow gentleman asking for money. He didn’t say it was because he recognized me as a fabulously successful and wealthy Polandian writer, but I could see it in his good eye.

10. Cleaner, stronger hair
Okay, I’m getting a little desperate towards the end of the list but I do have compelling apocryphal evidence that my hair is 27 percent stronger than it was two years ago. Also, there’s less of it but I’m using the same amount of shampoo so it must be cleaner, right?

If you found this as compelling as I did and are now straining at the leash to become a contributor to Polandian get in touch with us quickly before the mood wears off.

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14 thoughts on “10 reasons why you should be a Polandian writer

  1. Michał says:

    You are brilliant :-) I’ll stick to reading.

  2. Scatts says:

    There’s the money of course.

    What money?

  3. Jacek Wesołowski says:

    You could be paying people in one of those fancy virtual currencies. They’re all the rage all over the Net now.

  4. Scatts says:

    Polanduro? Eurandia? Zlodian? Polty?

  5. Polobob. Three bob per piece. Exchangeable for printable certificates.

    Island, a hint for you: do you know what PoloCokta is, what CoFoLa is and what are the cult films related to them? And that they are still sold?

  6. He didn’t say it was because he recognized me as a fabulously successful and wealthy Polandian writer, but I could see it in his good eye.

    how could you tell that someone knows that yo'[re a wealthy writer ?

  7. Dinolaure says:

    If you ascertain it could forever remove any disgraceful hair on women and that it provides for lifelong sunblocking screen, I could consider the offer…

  8. Raf Uzar says:

    I have very clean, strong hair.
    I need more reasons. :-)

  9. island1 says:

    Sorry for my slow replies, I wasn’t expecting any comments on this.

  10. island1 says:

    I thought you were looking after the money.

  11. island1 says:

    I know what PoloCokta is. Don’t know anything about related films though, do tell.

  12. island1 says:

    If you were a Polandian writer you would know.

  13. island1 says:

    Bikini wax coupons are issued to all writers as a matter of course. Sunblock is your own affair.

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