The supernatural world was riven this week by news that Jesus, youngest son of Yahweh, has begun construction of a 300,000 square kilometre country to be called Poland in the centre of the European continent. Stretching a thousand kilometres from end to end, Poland will be the largest country called Poland ever built.
“The plan,” said Jesus, “is to build a whopping big country that will be totally devoted to me, and then give it a really hard time for the next two thousand years.” “It will be highly fertile and nice and flat, hopefully attracting invading armies from far and wide,” he added. “At the moment, almost nobody goes to Central Europe, partly because my dad hasn’t invented people yet, but also because there’s just a big hole there at the moment. I’m going to change all that.”
According to winged sources close to Jesus, the initial plan was for a modest island somewhere in the Baltic, but over time the project has grown in scope and ambition to take over a large proportion of the neighbouring continent. Odin, who was planning to build a tree with branches that held up the sky on the site, is said to be furious.
Critics have slammed the plan as an act of “tasteless megalomania” and the project has been hit by a series of technical setbacks. “It’s true that the initial shipment of mountains we received did not meet regulations and had to be scrapped,” admitted a spokes-angel, ” but we’ve filled in the gaps with a whole bunch of forests left over from the Canada site.” Asked to reply to criticisms that the drainage system was defective and could lead to regular and catastrophic flooding he added: “No comment.”
Poland is set to open Thursday, assuming plans for living creatures to teem the waters are completed on schedule.