Prompted by comments on the earlier post, I did some investigation into government interference in what is played on the radio channels in various countries. I’ve been very surprised by the amount of countries that do actually regulate the airwaves, some them to a very large degree. Obviously, the adherence to the rules does vary from place to place as do the measures taken to enforce them.
This is what I was able to find out so far:
- “Waltzing Matilda” must be played at least 5 times per day
- A song including the phrase “tucker bag” (apart from WM) should feature every half hour
- 20% of all output should be Aboriginal songs involving a digeridoo or other racially stereotypical instrument
- Wallabies are good, kangaroos are bad – generally speaking.
- Rolf Harris is banned
- Any song insulting the British gets 10 bonus points
- Any song mentioning convicts will result in a 10 point penalty
- 90% of all music played must be by the following artists – Alanis Morissette, Celine Dion, Avril Lavigne, Bryan Adams, Diana Krall, Crash Test Dummies, Nickleback or Shania Twain.
- “O Canada” must be played at least 3 times per day.
- Songs by artists from the USA are banned.
- Any song lyric that includes the word “about” gets 10 bonus points on the basis that it highlights our unique culture and accent
- In certain regions only – 95% of songs must be in the French language.
THE UNITED KINGDOM
- “God Save the Queen” must be played every hour on the hour in time with the chimes of Big Ben while everyone wears a bowler hat and makes jaunty poses with their umbrellas
- 50% of songs must be in Oxford English language, 40% can be in foreign English (i.e. American), 10% can be other languages (but not French)
- Any songs considered to be anti monarchy or government will be severely frowned upon
- 15% of songs should feature the words that will resonate with the yoof, for example – mother fucker, fuck, nigger (only by black artists), death, Ho, kiss my ass and so on.
- No music is allowed that might cause offence to any racial or cultural minority.
- All music must be certified as “safe to play in public” by the Health & Safety Executive
- “Jozin z Bazin” must be played continuously – as it’s the only good song we have!
- All other music is banned.
- 90% of all music played must be either composed by Mozart or be a variation on a theme by Mozart.
- The remaining 10% should be German heavy death metal.
- 80% of music must be largely meaningless and of poor quality but be sung by a lady with inflatable breasts.
- 10% should be by Vivaldi, preferably “The Four Seasons”
- 10% must be repeated plays of old hits like “Funiculi Funicula”
- 10 bonus points are awarded if the inflatable lady has slept with the head of state.
- 110% of music must be in the beautiful French language – end of!
- Any French song mentioning the British is banned.
- Edith Piaf must account for at least 20% of all content.
- 50% of the music must be suitable for playing during revolutions or strikes.
- Songs that celebrate food, sex or agriculture or modern architecture will get 10 bonus points.
- All music will be played efficiently with no more than 12.5 seconds of ‘dead air’ allowed per month. This will be rigorously monitored by the Geshaftswerbungarbeitgesamtschnellerdeadair.
- Beethoven, Bach & Brahms can be played during the day. Wagner should be played all night.
- Music mentioning Hitler, Nazis or war is banned – unless broadcast in the general direction of Austria.
- 10% of music must be dark and miserable heavy metal.
- 25% of music must be Oom-Pah music good for drinking beer.
- 60% of music must be by the Gypsy Kings (even though they are French)
- Songs involving dead bulls will get 10 bonus points
- Any mention of Franco is banned
- Football songs must equally celebrate Barcelona & Real Madrid
- No music will be played between 14:00 and 20:00 ( as it will disturb sleeping patterns)
- 50% of all music played must have a bling factor and involve videos of people wearing the latest fashion and driving very expensive cars
- The other 50% must celebrate either our glorious past or our glorious future, or both.
- 10 bonus points for any song mentioning money
- Any reference to Georgia, Chechnya or any of those places is banned
- During elections, the Kremlin is the only place allowed to broadcast anything.
NORTH AFRICA & THE MIDDLE EAST
- As a demonstration of who is in control around here – all music is banned until further notice.
ANDORRA, LUXEMBOURG, SAN MARINO
- We prefer small music by little known artists but we’ll take whatever we can get.
It should be noted that not all broadcasters adhere to the above regulations.