Skandal, Kryzys & Dramat in the PZPN

An outrageous scandal emerged from the PZPN (Polish Football Federation) this week, which left onlookers shocked and dismayed. It puts the positions of those in charge of the PZPN under threat and some also believe the Euro 2012 championships may be at risk as a result. Following a concerted investigative effort shared between Polish TV and print media over the past month, they can today report on the grave situation where nothing went wrong in the PZPN in November. This has come as a big surprise to those that are close to the organisation and many are left wondering how this can have happened.

The litany of situations which lead to this crisis are outlined below:

– No hooligan elements disrupted any games in November

– No referees were assaulted

– No racist chanting or abuse was heard at a Polish game

– No PZPN officials were recorded discussing improper topics

– No cases of bribery were uncovered

The PZPN logo

This has left many wondering how the PZPN can go on. With capable and steady administrators in charge, it can only be doomed to failure. The Polish public will be clamouring for the Minister of Sport to implement sweeping changes, in order to bring in someone who can perform at the levels of corruption, buffoonery and idiocy expected. An unnamed bystander commented that “We expect a real boob to be in charge, someone we can rely on to screw things up and spout drivel on a daily basis. We cannot stand for things going well for much longer”.

The current head of the PZPN, Jan Kowalski, was unavailable for comment but a friend of the family mentioned “He is distraught, and it won’t be of any comfort to those reading/listening, but he has been doing his best to screw things up and do what is expected of the role. He has left filing cabinets open with official documents waiting to be reviewed. He invited in the tax authorities and auditors to review the books, but they couldn’t find anything. He went to the most expensive restaurant and ordered the most expensive item on the menu stuffed with the second most expensive item, all while claiming it as ‘expenses’. He has really been working hard and it’s not enough. Everything in the organisation just keeps going without scandal and that isn’t right.”

Or is this the PZPN logo?

While Kowalski has not yet been replaced, it is rumoured that the Minister for Sport already has a number of replacements lined up to fill the prestigious role, including criminal mastermind Dariusz Wasilewski and PKP chief Piotr Piotrowski. However, at the moment former Polish football star goalkeeper Wojciech Michnik looks like the favourite to be installed to the position promising a “clean sweep” approach where he expects Polish league games to be fixed to suit betting groups, black players to be abused, hooligans to take charge of the stadiums and millions of Polish złoty to mysteriously go missing. And you get the feeling that the Polish people would welcome him with open arms, allowing for such a return to normality.

This might be the PZPN logo…

Names changed/formulated from thin air to protect the innocent/guilty.

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5 thoughts on “Skandal, Kryzys & Dramat in the PZPN

  1. Stefan says:

    Decoy, we love Monty Python and this sort of humour in Poland but the lack of comments so far demonstrates clearly that the level of sophistication in your, undoubtedly witty, text seems beyond our capacity of comprehension.
    Are you suggesting that everything in PZPN is OK and only the Polish paranoid politicians and journalists are looking for some imaginary problems? If not, what on earth do you mean? And please, try to be less impressive but stick to the point.

  2. Decoy says:

    In simplest terms, not a day goes by without some mention of the PZPN in the news – and never in a good sense. Thus, normal is not normal, so a “normal” situation would be treated with some shock.

    Or at least that would be my take on things.

  3. Stefan says:

    OK, I understand your point.

    Anyway guys, it’s time to write a new post! ;) :D

  4. bob says:

    Stefan – you should have a go at posting – not as simple as some may think. decoy can probably assist you to have it included in polandian

    Looking forward to seeing it.

  5. Decoy says:

    We’re always open to new posters. If you’d like to contribute, just let us know.

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