The Toilet Seat Conundrum

It’s a question as old as time itself – or at least since the advent of indoor plumbing: Toilet seat up or down? The question seems innocuous itself, but is one that can rip a relationship apart (or develop into an episode of a sit-com, if you happen to have some cameras and canned laughter available).

We can all imagine the scene,

GIRL: “You left the toilet seat up again!”

GUY: “So…?”

GIRL: “I had to get up in the middle of the night to go and…”

GUY: “… you fell in? Again?!?”

GIRL: “Again! Why can’t you learn to put the seat down after you’ve used the toilet?”

GUY: “Why should I? I don’t need it down. If I leave it down you complain about the mess”

GIRL: “Ugh… sometimes guys can be detestable.”

Boys will be boys

Here come the girls

Too often the ‘battle of the sexes’ result in men being from Mars and women from Venus, or so the books would tell us. But we actually have more in common than one might think. After much deliberation, there is a clear answer which can be implemented in which both genders will be equal. No, no, it’s not Japanese toilet robots who automatically drop the seat 30 seconds after a guy has left; instead it’s much simpler than that. (Mental note – some research needed on miniature Japanese robots.)

The solution to the toilet seat problem is one that would apply equality to both males and females. The answer is: If each person who finished using the toilet dropped both the toilet seat AND toilet cover, then the person coming after them would need to at least lift the cover – regardless of gender. However, there is a bit of a catch here. For this solution to work, people need to avoid the temptation to be lazy and should also be considerate of those who would come after them. Both are admirable qualities, but not always found at the same time.

The unisex answer

So, there we have it – gender harmony restored, while hundreds of comedy writers in Hollywood are put out of work. Sounds like a sort of win-win… Next time on Polandian: we simultaneously solve world peace and global hunger, as long as the Japanese robots have not gotten there first again.

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11 thoughts on “The Toilet Seat Conundrum

  1. erpegis says:

    Hold on… THAT’s what’s all the hubbub about? I’ve always thought it was about toilet cover. If one person wants the seat up and the other wants it down, the answer is “do it yourself dammit!”

  2. Anonymous says:

    And then, comes the time the boy is really in hurry, during the night, and forget about the new rules…

  3. Goalscorer says:

    The ladies should be happy the guy(s) lifted up the seat and didn’t pee all over it.

  4. Hey, i run a plumbing company in MN and i really thought your article was funny. It’s 100% true all of that. Guys just don’t care. We see it first hand while were in clients homes. Check out my website at you might find some interesting facts and products on my site. All products can be shipped anywhere. Thanks again for a get laugh.

  5. Decoy says:

    @erpegis: I would have thought that an equal solution for all, regardless of gender, would have been one suitable for most, which is why I suggested the toilet cover down for all…

  6. scatts says:

    What’s even worse is when the toilet paper is all bent out of shape like that! Eeek,

  7. rjblock says:

    Those of you who have been in Poland as long as I have will remember the days when a toilet seat was not frequently found (outside of the home).

    I developed a scale that corrolates the overall quality or lack therof of public space facilities and a country’s place – 4th world, third, second and first – if you have traveled particularly east – you will know what I mean. Italy however is a wrench in the gears.

  8. Seaside Chris says:

    I have never understood what all this fuss is about. I’ve always put both the seat and the cover down fro a very simple reason – I don’t like the stuff splashing over my legs when I flush.

  9. Decoy says:

    Sounds like a very powerful flush then!

  10. rjblock says:

    As Michal Dembinski has, we have moles in the garden and I dig out their runs and sprinkle them with my holy water – seems to work and I don’t have to get into a discussion about the toilet seat lid any longer.

  11. N.A.J. says:

    Who cares about the seat or cover since we all know how to properly use toilet?!

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