Tag Archives: Celine Dion

How to be an RMF FM disc jockey

With it’s position as the “most popular radio station” in Poland,  RMF FM can be found playing in most establishments and shops where a radio is playing. I would guess that it presumably plays in many Polish homes as well. RMF celebrates it’s 20th year of existence this year, giving the people of Poland “Radio, Muzyka, Fakty” as they go about their day to day lives.With its extended offerings of RMFMaxxx and RMF Classic, they have cornered a large section of the Polish radio listenership market.

RMF

It used to be called Radio Małopolska Fun, you know

One day, I spent a few hours listening to the regular RMF station (as opposed to RMF Maxxx or RMF Classic). I happened to notice a pattern emerging in the music being played. Most songs could be categorised into one of the following groupings (with some exceptions, of course).

A ‘recent’ chart hit: In this situation, recent means in the past 12-18 months. A song in this category tends to be a big hit, usually worldwide and usually sung in English. The best recent example I’ve heard for this category has been “Pokerface” by Lady Gaga. This has gotten a lot of air-time in the past year.

An 80’s classic: Everyone loves an 80’s classic, whether it be the power-ballad, or the one with the video where the lead singer had the huge hair. RMF tends to go for songs such as “Take On Me” by Aha, or Europe’s “The Final Countdown”. These will give listeners an instant flash-back 25 years or so.

A Polish group or artist: There is a rule on French radio where at least 40% of music played should be sung in French. I am not aware of such a rule on Polish radio, but Polish groups and artists do tend to get a look in. Artists such as Piasek (Andrzej Piaseczny), Natalia Kukulska, Myslovitz and Wilki featuring quite often.

A Queen song: Queen have such a presence on RMF that I don’t think I have experienced an hour of music on RMF without one Queen song being played. The Queen songs that seem to feature highest in the playlists are “The Show Must Go On” and “I Want To Break Free”.

A ‘Eurodance’ song: This would be a song with a strong dance beat with a slight techno mix thrown in. In short, it’s a perfect song to be dancing (and singing along) to for Polish listeners. The big hit in this category at the moment seems to be “Ayo Technology” by Milow.

A ‘forgotten’ 90’s hit: When it was released, such a song as this would to be one that you could not get out of your head. However, as time has passed it has slipped from memory, but yet a single playing on RMF can jog your memory as to how good it was. The best examples I have heard recently would be “Zombie” by The Cranberries or “Just A Little Crush” by Jennifer Paige. It must have been 10 or more years since I last heard them before they popped up on RMF.

A Celine Dion song in French: With almost all songs on RMF sung in either Polish or English, it is a nice surprise to hear a song in another language from time to time. However, the usual choice seems to be Celine Dion singing a song such as “Pour que tu m’aimes encore”. While it is probably a fine song, it seems to be over-played.

A re-mixed older song: An easy way to have a new hit song seems to be for a dance musician to re-mix an older song into the new ‘dance’ version. RMF have followed suit, playing songs such as “Roxanne” by The Police or “Forever Young” by Bob Dylan. However the songs have been given a new backing track and slightly faster dance beat to make them radio-friendly for modern times.

With the above knowledge, I’m going to see if I can apply to work as a DJ with RMF. One of the perks could be the possibility to work in their ‘space bubble’ buildings (pictured below). They can be seen from the A4 autostrada when travelling between Kraków and Katowice.

RMF - A4

The perfect hideout for an evil villain in a James Bond film?

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Krakow’s Walk of Fame

About nine years ago Edyta Górniak tried to run me over in Warsaw. A few weeks ago Celine Dion tried the same thing in Krakow. I don’t know what I’ve done to offend the glittery song birds of our age, but they seem to have it in for me.

There I was, nine years ago, innocently waiting to cross the road outside Empik in Warsaw (the old one) when some dude in an ill-fitting jacket and dark glasses started waving, gesticulating and shouting at me. I ignored him, as is my policy in these situations. A few seconds later a pink Cadillac convertible swerved onto the pavement and screeched to a halt forcing me to dive sideways like Dudek going for a tricky corner shot. Said pink Cadillac shortly thereafter decanted Edyta Górniak (or it might have been the other one) onto the pavement from whence she was hustled into Empik to sign CDs or some such nonsense. I regarded her critically from my prone position on the curb and swore never again to tangle with highly-strung divas. I was relatively successful in this policy for the best part of a decade.

There I was, a few weeks ago, innocently pedaling my bicycle along the riverside pathways close to Wawel Castle in Krakow. Policemen in the distance began waving, gesticulating, and shouting at me. I ignored them, as is my policy in these situations. Suddenly a big black Mercedes with tinted windows surged down the path towards me. Quickly surveying my options I chose to veer wildly onto the grass through the POLICE DO NOT CROSS tape rather than face down what I already suspected was another murderous female singing star. And I was right, for it was the mother of all murderous singing stars, the Dion woman herself.

That’s the trouble with the world today, there are so many famous people around you never know when one of them is going to come hurtling towards you in an armoured limousine, pink convertible, or gold-plated tandem. As a non-famous person you’re only hope is to dive sideways and hope to be spared.

The Dion woman wasn’t finished with me yet. That night she screeched “And Ieee Ieee Ieee Ieee Ieee will always love you…” at the top of her lungs through a powerful sound system on Błonia directly through my roof window. I assume she was being ironic.

Shortly after this near-death experience I took a holiday in Barcelona where I managed to avoid homicidal stars completely. On my return I discovered that Krakow has established its very own Walk of Fame (and finally, we get to the point).

The original Walk of Fame is in California and consists of some 2000 five-pointed stars set into the pavement along something called ‘Hollywood and Vine,” which I assume are streets. Krakow’s Walk of Fame is slightly more modest.

Krakow Walk of Fame star 1: Celine Dion

No mention is made of her attempt to snuff out one of the foremost blogging talents in northwest Krakow.

Krakow Walk of Fame star 2: Budka Suflera

I quite like Budka Suflera and, as far as I know, they’ve never tried to kill me.

Krakow Walk of Fame star 3: Errrrm…

Suggestions on a postcard. The semi-geriatric Jamiroquai was here recently, why didn’t they get a star?

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