Tag Archives: Polish heroes

F*** The Asterisks

Just when the residents of Poland could start stopping remembering BDSM sections of their history (for who needs the notion of “nation” today?) – many Polish (headbanging) heads will get reinforced in their probable jingo-pride by bands such as Marduk or Sabaton. That both come from Sweden – to make money on Polishful sentiments — I can’t take their songs as any retribution for what XVII cent.’s Sweden stole from Poles (who had stolen the stuff some time earlier).

The Marduk guys sing (?) about Warszawa of WW2.

Or so they imagine.

(Btw, Lennon’s whining remade into…Imagine there’s no Warsaw, it’s easy if you try. No hell below us, it’s just the Reich above would be a better attempt at artistic provocation.) Apres les Suedois le deluge – let’s flood Marduk with condescending smiles. Their lyrics could be just about anything — selling pancakes or seeing funny road signs — as long as the chorus should include “Warschau” (repeat three times). The title is in German (warum? geh figurieren, easier to sing (?) than “Warszawa”, plus the German market is mighty big) — and still some youtubers can’t spell it right. — Warshau? Warshaw? — Tell me about wasted education.

The latter band, Sabaton, is more dangerous – they sing intelligibly.

Be gone! Who in their sane mind cares about “Polish Thermopylae” — especially when no one cares about the Greek original? From a military p.o.v., the song does not sound sound either. Poland was defeated at Wizna. The bodycount ratio “40 to 1” means nothing to Darth Vader – or to Paul Tibbets, a guy who survived (!) to talk about his singlehanded victory (!).

Still, the now masses of Polish ingrammaticados, poor commanders of English, hurry to express their occasional love for Polish CO’s who chose to die of grenadosis. (Compare the evergreen, 0:55-02:55.) It does not matter you’re defeated, it matters how you sustain your defeats, Poles will often think.
“Blow wind, come, wrack! At least we’ll die with harness on our back!”

It nearly rhymes with: “Let stones crack! Let the earth quake!”. Yes, it can be nice to listen to “these words are for you Poland” by Laibach (the German name more catchy again), but do we notice the song hails “all the communists” as well?

So, have we asked for it? Heavy metal and heavy weather?

Recently, Mother Nature has provided parts of Poland with hailbombs and whirlwinds. Which reminded me of not so recent floods. And of the fact that:

That’s what Polish PM’s have to do — apologize for words of reason. It happens when instead of letting the country grow evenly richer, middle-class way – they let the nation divide into the dramatically poor against the dramatically rich, and many chewing on the opium for the masses – the recalling of the days of old glory (of defeats).

PS The title of the post refers to a Giles Coren who used the asterisk-free phrase “Fuck the Poles” in his email, so I read. Test your Polishness now: can you care less?



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(I cannot.)

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Heroes’ Square – Warsaw

Budapest has one, London has one although it is called “Trafalgar”, what about Warsaw? I imagine Plac Defilad is the perfect location as it is central and will, eventually, be re-shaped. We could even follow the example of Trafalgar square by having the main statue atop the Pałac Kultury and then a plinth in each corner for the other worthy souls.

If you need some inspiration for whom should be represented in such a square, here are the people London chose:

Admiral Horatio Nelson rises above the rest. An all round good egg, inspirational leader and naval battle winner par excellence. His signal of “England expects that every man will do his duty”, although originally intended to be “confides” not “expects”, is right up there with “We will fight on the beaches….”. Churchill was lucky that Nelson was a naval commander, or he might have been struggling for things that had not already been said!

King George IV stands on the north-east plinth. An all round bad egg who seems to have done nothing of consequence besides asking the architect, John Nash, to come up with a bit of town planning aimed entirely at the glorification of himself as Prince Regent. His father, king George III, was nutty as a fruit cake and so left the Prince Regent plenty of latitude for high living and extravagance. This association with Nash gave us Regent’s Park, Regent’s Street as well as the Brighton pavilion. Certainly obese and an alcoholic. Very possibly addicted to laudanum and controversially linked with the poisoning of his estranged wife. On his death The Times wrote “There never was an individual less regretted by his fellow-creatures than this deceased king. What eye has wept for him? What heart has heaved one throb of unmercenary sorrow? … If he ever had a friend — a devoted friend in any rank of life — we protest that the name of him or her never reached us.”.

Major-General Sir Henry Havelock occupies the south-east plinth. Son of a wealthy shipbuilder father and solicitor mother, he went to nice schools and had what appears to be a good childhood. He went into the legal profession but fell out with his father and then didn’t have the funds to continue so he joined the army instead. He progressed in his army career and ended up being involved in a lot of skirmishes and siege-busting both in Afghanistan and in India. During what the Brits call “The Indian Mutiny” and others call “The First War of Indian Independence”, he was very much involved in the action known as “The Siege of Lucknow”. He died of dysentery there a few days after the siege was lifted.

Sir Charles James Napier occupies the south-west plinth. A General and Commander-in-chief of the British forces in India, perhaps most famous for conquering Sindh province in present day Pakistan but generally one of the most effective soldiers of the day at fighting insurgencies (of which there were many). As the eldest son of Colonel George Napier, he was destined to live an army life. His first adventures during the Peninsular War show what a gung-ho kind of chap he was. Left for dead on the battlefield of Corunna, saved by a French drummer and taken prisoner. Recovered and no longer a prisoner he went straight back into action in the battle of Coa, where he had two horses shot from under him but kept on going through that and subsequent battles until he left with a chest-full of medals. At the age of 60 he was commanding an army in India and asked to deal with demonstrations against British rule by the Muslim rulers of Sindh, which he did. A couple of quotes might give an idea of the sort of man we’re talking about – “The best way to quiet a country is a good thrashing, followed by great kindness afterwards. Even the wildest chaps are thus tamed.” and “You say that it is your custom to burn widows [on the funeral pyre of their dead husbands]. Very well. We also have a custom: when men burn a woman alive, we tie a rope around their necks and we hang them. Build your funeral pyre; beside it, my carpenters will build a gallows. You may follow your custom. And then we will follow ours.”.

The fourth plinth, north-west corner, is empty and has been the subject of long debate about who should be put up there.

I must say that I was unaware of the irony involved in the celebrations of Indian culture taking place in Trafalgar square when we were there last summer being watched, as they were, by Napier & Havelock. I wonder if they would have approved?

Clearly, if London were to start from scratch with a new “Heroes’ Square” the personalities will almost certainly be different. Nelson might still retain his lofty perch, but what about the others –

a) Churchill, Thatcher, Wellington & Beckham?

b) Bobby Moore, Hitchcock, Dickens & Douglas Bader?

c) Princess Diana, Blair, Alex Ferguson & someone from Big Brother?

d) John Lennon, Newton, Brunel & Red Rum?

I could be here all night!

So, on to Plac Defilad then, the Polish “Heroes’ Square” of the future. Any nominations of who is worthy to occupy the five spaces up for grabs? I am ignorant of much of Polish history but I’ll throw out a couple of lists just to allow target practice:

1/ Władysław Sikorski, Lech Walęsa, King Władysław II Jagiełło, Mikołaj Kopernik, Andrzej Wajda

2/ Jan Tomaszewski, Adam Mickiewicz, Sigismund III Vasa, Doda (or Michał Wiśniewski), Jan Matejko

Oops – forgot Maria Skłodowska, Jerzy Owsiak, Robert Korzeniowski & Adam Małysz!

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