Tag Archives: satire

Stop and Think

A picture paints a thousand words, and these images created by Polish artist Paweł Kuczyński display illustrations worthy of millions of words in their satirical expression. Originally from Szczecin, some of his works received recognition a few months ago through a series called ‘Stop and Think’. However for many people, they will be still unknown.

 

Some of his most thought-provoking images have been included below, with more to be found at: http://capu.pl/node/271

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Jesus builds giant Poland in Central Europe

The supernatural world was riven this week by news that Jesus, youngest son of Yahweh, has begun construction of a 300,000 square kilometre country to be called Poland in the centre of the European continent. Stretching a thousand kilometres from end to end, Poland will be the largest country called Poland ever built.

“The plan,” said Jesus, “is to build a whopping big country that will be totally devoted to me, and then give it a really hard time for the next two thousand years.” “It will be highly fertile and nice and flat, hopefully attracting invading armies from far and wide,” he added. “At the moment, almost nobody goes to Central Europe, partly because my dad hasn’t invented people yet, but also because there’s just a big hole there at the moment. I’m going to change all that.”

According to winged sources close to Jesus, the initial plan was for a modest island somewhere in the Baltic, but over time the project has grown in scope and ambition to take over a large proportion of the neighbouring continent. Odin, who was planning to build a tree with branches that held up the sky on the site, is said to be furious.

Critics have slammed the plan as an act of “tasteless megalomania” and the project has been hit by a series of technical setbacks. “It’s true that the initial shipment of mountains we received did not meet regulations and had to be scrapped,” admitted a spokes-angel, ” but we’ve filled in the gaps with a whole bunch of forests left over from the Canada site.” Asked to reply to criticisms that the drainage system was defective and could lead to regular and catastrophic flooding he added: “No comment.”

Poland is set to open Thursday, assuming plans for living creatures to teem the waters are completed on schedule.

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Protestors block relocation of presidential palace

Plans to relocate Warsaw’s presidential palace to a “more suitable” location have been scuppered by street violence. Clashes between riot priests and angry protestors prevented officials from moving the building late last night in scenes that have been described as: “a fairly typical Wednesday evening.”

The palace on Krakowskie Przedmieście was chosen as a temporary location for the office of the Polish President in 1994 during a period of national upheaval. “We never expected presidents to still be here almost 20 years later,” said Father Hubert Hamar. “There are 16 major churches on this street and just one presidential palace; I think it’s clear which one has to go.”

Opponents of the relocation disagree: “Elected presidents are an integral and ancient part of this nation’s culture,” said a masked protestor on the scene, lying slightly. “The church shouldn’t be afraid of a little old-fashioned democracy.” As dusk descended on the second day, protesters began to chant: “We are prepared to slightly inconvenience ourselves on the weekends for justice!”

The not very long-running protests over the fate of the presidential palace have deeply divided the nation. Many Poles are now saying that democratic rule was given unhealthy and unfair advantages in the famous 1993 concordat with the nation’s mohair-wearing grandmothers. Elected representatives are allowed to speak directly to voters and influence them through daily news and current-affairs programs.

The final destination of the presidential palace has not been revealed for security reasons but there is speculation that the building may be placed next to the national parliament, on a small flood-prone island in the Vistula or in Brussels.

President Komorowski was unavailable for comment because he was playing with his train set.

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Millionaire collector orders theft of neo-nazis

Late yesterday thieves broke into Britain and made off with an unknown number of neo-nazis. Early reports are that it was all of them but a government official has urged calm saying: “Let’s not get our hopes up at this early stage in the investigation. Police are even now rigorously avoiding looking for these barn pots so we just have to hope none of them turn up safe and well of their own accord.”

The daring theft apparently took place under the cover of broad daylight while security forces were suddenly busy dealing with a bit of dirt they all simultaneously found under their fingernails. Passers by report seeing nothing at all since they were all whistling nonchalantly and peering upwards at the time. “We’ve pretended to question everyone in the area,” said a Police spokesman, “and, so far, we’re confident there is absolutely no information that might lead to these oxygen-wasting pinheads being returned safely to their homes and the people who loath them.”

Speculation is growing that the neo-nazis may have been stolen to order. Sources close to everyone you know have hinted that there is a shadowy underworld of completely sane and healthy people who would give anything to get hold of prominent neo-nazis and lock them in very dark and secure rooms so they can enjoy not looking at them anytime they like. A representative of the human race said: “It’s hard to believe, but there are individuals out there with the money and power to make this kind of thing happen.”

If the neo-nazis have been taken as part of a vast and deeply comforting conspiracy where are they likely to end up? By speaking to any passing normal person we’ve uncovered a series of agreeable possibilities. Once they are securely pinioned behind thick one-way glass we can assume these objects will be subjected to intensive study so as to determine their genus and species. Huge sums are believed to have been invested in the hope of establishing that the kind of creature who might want to, say, own the Auschwitz Arbeit Macht Frei sign for their personal amusement is of an entirely different and, hopefully, short-lived species than Homo Sapiens Sapiens.

A think tank made up of every rational human being on Earth has proposed a radical solution in the unlikely event that the neo-nazis are returned to Britain: mentoring by mentally and ethically superior peers. The government is believed to be putting together a specialist team of people who slap their girlfriends on buses in the hope that these relatively advanced citizens can talk some sense into them.

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The Arbeit Macht Frei sign theft story depressed me. Seriously, these people are making the entire human race look bad; Polish, Swedish, British or whatever they turn out to be. Just in case people are watching from Alpha Centauri I’ve decided to rewrite the episode in a more sensible and heartwarming form. In other words, it’s a satire.

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