In a move widely expected to hasten the end of civilization two women have been acquitted of indecent exposure after they were found sunbathing topless on a Polish beach in May 2008. On Wednesday a Szczecin court overturned the 130 zloty fines that it had firmly, but playfully, slapped on the two naughty lasses in November.
Dorota Krzysztofek and her pixelated friend presenting some formidable points to the court.
(Photo credit: bas/AFP/Getty Images)
Officer X, who made the arrest, told the court “Myself and Officer Y made careful long-distance observations of the accused over a period of several hours and can confirm that they quite clearly had their gazongas out.” When asked what had brought him to the beach that day the officer replied “Well, it was my turn with the binoculars.”
The two women who, for legal reasons, can only be referred to as ‘the blonde one’ and ‘the other one’ made tearful statements to the assembled media during an impromptu 3-hour photo session outside the court. “I’m just happy it’s all over” sobbed 28-year-old Dorota Krzysztofek (the Blonde One, ed.), “now I can get back to a normal life getting my hooters out in magazines.”
A spokesperson for Topfreedom, an international chestpuppy liberation movement, in Poland to lend her support to the women told journalists “This is a proud day for the women of Poland and their jumper dumplings. Now there is nothing to stop the womanhood of this nation swinging freely in the breeze.” Her words were greeted by hearty cheers from onlookers, followed by the sound of several dozen umbrellas repeatedly impacting skulls.
A Mrs. Mary Magdelana Woebetide, of the Campaign for Family Purity, slammed the court in a press release: “These two hussies should be ashamed of themselves. In a civilized country they would have been birched and paraded through the streets with their heads shaved. It’s time our so called politicians looked to God-fearing countries like Saudi Arabia and Afghanistan for a lead.”
Szczecin is approximately 280 miles northwest of Warsaw and is served by regular train services in the summer. It has a population of 407,000, about 45,000 of whom are quite fit.