Monthly Archives: February 2008

United Poledom, or Welcome Home

When other reliable sources tell you where to go in Poland – I’ll tell you where to find some familiar spots you probably haven’t expected to find.

A map below (click to enlarge) is supposed to make you feel more at home. [Note: It’s made for people from the UK. Our other readers are asked to state their locations. Our US readers will be aware that Poland used to be divided into 49 states. With Chicago being quite Polish – one might say: we’re even.]

United Poledom

Drafting the map, I followed these simplifications, labels, pigeonholes, dead-end streets. (Suggestions for revisions, exclusions or inclusions are welcome.)

= London

The capital city. During WW2 bombed by Germans. HM the Queen (or King) resides here. In Poland, the name is Warszawa. (Well, duh.)

= Belfast

For Belfast we need a town in Poland that’s Irish. Now, the phrase “lucky load to Lublin” written by one Irishman here seems to be a muddy but acceptable indication. It’s Lublin then. (Not Dublin though, as Dublin has grown too expensive – so it would be, eh, Moscow?)

= Birmingham

I heard it: “For years Birmingham had a reputation as the ugliest and most boring city in the UK. In fact, it’s got a lot better recently and is probably livable in. Brummies have one of the silliest and most mocked accents.”
An ugly place growing livable in? – A conurbation with a dialect? – Must be
Katowice.

= Brighton (and Hove)

Thinking Brighton we’d be looking for a famous sea-sided health resort. The first thing that comes to my map-making mind is Sopot. To get the numbers of inhabitants more in place, Brighton and Hove would be Sopot and Gdynia (two of the Tricity, but Gdańsk taken, being Glasgow). By the way, Sopot herself thinks being the right match for Southend on Sea.

= Bristol

Trip-hop, the sound city. Read: Myslowice. Hear: Myslowitz (youtube).
Flow with Avon, flow with Przemsza.

= Coventry

Britain made Rovers in Coventry. Poland makes cars in Tychy. (And rower in Polish means a bicycle. Close enough.)

= Edinburgh

Former capital. Her cultural guns and some sneer may be directed toward the present capital. With pride and sophistication, Krakow calling.

= Glasgow

Merchants, traders. Shipbuilders. Scotsmen. The place is called Gdansk here: a large city, of trade and shipbuilding. And of Scotsmen, why not.

= Inverness

Highland boys will be Highland boys, wherever they are. In Poland, their centre is called Nowy Targ.

= Isle of Wight

Old, respectable place. The musical capital, one would say, hosting fine festivals. It’s Opole. That is not an isle, technically speaking, but has an isle inside the boundaries. (A nice set of relevant pictures here.)

= Kingston upon Hull

A harbour town, with a long page of history, heavily damaged during WW2.
In other word —
Szczecin.

= Leeds

I’m sure Leeds would like to stand on her own, incomparable, not mated, rich in its own time and space. But so would Wrocław! And 700.000 dwellers can’t be wrong. If there’s Leeds, it’s there.

= Liverpool

There, it’s the Beatles (hail Merseybeat), and media or football stars. This side of the Channel, it’s the Radio (Hail Mary-beat), and the star of Copernicus. — Toruń.

= Manchester

The centre of British cottons and textiles. The UK’s third largest conurbation. Would you guess: Łódź? Once the heart of the textile district. Poland’s third largest city. (A tiny youtube: Manchester United vs Widzew Lodz. Not to worry, anyone, the game ended 1:1.)

= Nottinghamshire

Yes, it’s the whole county — twinned with Poznań. Citizens of Poznan are supposedly hard working and thrifty. They don’t steal from the rich as they don’t steal from themselves. Not that they should find the poor enough to grant them the loot, either. So, with Robin Hood twinned with them, this could be the beginning of a beautiful symbiosis.

= Westminster

The Roman Catholic centre of the country. Częstochowa then.

=============

Well, that’s it. I omitted many a place, I know. (Sheffield, for instance, closed its Polish consulate and no one’s able to ask there where they are in Poland.) With the map, however, you are expected to draw some parallels yourself.

=============
[post re-edited on 24 Feb 2008]

Tagged , , , ,

Music – Polish and otherwise

Lets start by saying how deeply impressed I am with the range and quality of music available in Poland. It did not take me long after arriving to realise that this is a country with some very good local music and artists, many of whom would be international chart toppers were they singing in English. Thankfully though, they generally don’t sing in English because when they do it becomes very nasty indeed (with a few exceptions, like Smolik).

For the purposes of this post, I’m talking about “popular music”. Polish ‘classical’ music, music for film, jazz and the regional ‘folk’ music (especially mountain music) are all superb but I won’t get into that.

I shall now prostrate myself as I tell of some that I like, to be met with howls of laughter from our resident Poles. I’ll start with the one that gets the biggest laughs, I like Wilki (try this, or this, or this). Moving swiftly on, I also like – Myslovitz (here’s a good one and another), T Love (Warszawa of course) & Sidney Polak (try this one). The first band I got into here was Budka Suflera who I think of as the Polish Beatles, only a lot uglier! They’ve been pretty quiet recently and I’ve grown tired of them. The most recent purchase was the debut album by Feel (the most popular one), they’ve got something interesting going on. I enjoyed Kayah & Bregovic although that’s almost folk. There are others, but sadly not many. Oh, I’ve seen Myslovitz, T Love, Sidney and Budka live as well.

Now, this may well be a short list but I could also include (if I could remember the names) the approximately 300 individual tracks/artists who are repeatedly played at what seems like every “occasion”, (weddings, balls, new year parties and so on). Many of these, if not all, are what I would call “golden oldies” and appear to be far more loved and played here than the equivalent (Status Quo, Rod Stewart) would in the UK. Here’s one example from the wonderfully named, Lady Pank. You just can’t help getting caught up in the fun when everyone starts singing these things. The vodka helps!

Here’s my problem. I don’t consider myself to be a complete failure in the musical taste department and yet many of the bands above are not seen as ‘serious’ by Poles. Is this a case of cultural differences, of my not understanding the lyrics as well as I should, of my not being well educated enough as regards Polish bands? How come I appear to have different musical tastes depending on the language? I need help!

Just to give you the other side of the story, as a benchmark. Early (late school and after) influences were – Led Zep, Alice Cooper, T Rex, Beatles, Elton John, Bowie, Genesis, Floyd, Eagles, Elton John, Who. There was then a punky moment with – Stranglers, Clash, Sex Pistols, Jam, etc, also stuff like Eddie & The Hotrods, much of this enjoyed at The Marquee, Wardour Street. Then followed things like – Style Council, Level 42, Spandau Ballet, Ultravox, OMD, Human League, George Benson, Billy Joel, Springsteen. Most recent purchases, some today even, have been a mix of catching up with stuff and new stuff – Moby, Fatboy Slim, Green Day, 3 Doors Down, Radiohead, Blur, Stone Roses, Oasis, Pulp, Travis, Amy Winehouse, Joss Stone, Pearl Jam, Stereophonics…………

I’ll make one other observation while I’m here. Warsaw, Poland, is in desperate need of a good music store!!!!! Not long ago, I went to the largest Empik in town armed with a list of 10 albums I wanted. These were all, in my and millions of others opinions, mainstream top quality popular music (not Polish). They managed to find two of them, the rest I had to order from Amazon.uk. I’m told the place on Chmielna is better but last time I went there it was the same story – nie ma! I asked the sales guy why they have 400 copies of Doda (actually she’s not too bad so insert another crass band) and yet are so sadly lacking in decent music. He agreed, whoever is buying music for Empik needs shooting and can we all write to Virgin Megastores or someone like that, please!

Almost forgot – go read my personal blog you morons! (Don’t go looking for music though)

Tagged

Six things I’ve learned after six months in Krakow

I’ve been living in Krakow, the jewel of southern Poland, for six months now. I thought it was time to take stock of what I’ve learned. This is not the first time I’ve lived in Poland, I spent a few years in Warsaw, so the ‘shock of the new’ wasn’t quite so great as it would have been for a complete newbie. I should warn sensitive readers that there may be a small amount of griping involved.

1. Krakowians are nicer than Warzsawians
Controversial I know, but it’s true. I was a bit apprehensive about coming back to live in Poland because my previous experience of the public face of the Polish people was not great. It’s a strange thing about Poles. Meet them in private and they are nearly always courteous, generous, good-humored souls. Put them in a shop, bank, office, bus, tram, or other public situation though and they mutate into grim trolls with the manners of Attila the Hun. I’m sure this seems like a monstrously unfair generalization to Polish readers, but I’m not alone in this observation so there must be something in it. There’s some kind of profound division between the public mask and the private face that I still fail to comprehend properly. Anyway, the point is that my general experience has been that Poles in Krakow are nicer, friendlier, calmer and more humorous than those on the mean streets of the capital.

2. It is possible to have too many pubs in one city
According to legend there are over 500 pubs, bars, clubs, gin joints, and other assorted dives where it is possible to buy a drink in Krakow. Or I might have just made that number up. There are certainly a LOT of them. The problem is that 90 percent of them are exactly the same. You go through an archway, down a set of perilous steps into a smoke filled cellar, and sit on wooden benches that look as if they should be in a garden center. I’ve been in dozens of pubs like this in Krakow. I don’t remember the names of any of them and I have no desire to back to any of them either. There are, of course, some great pubs in Krakow, and in the summer a lot of these cellar-dives put tables and chairs out on the street, which is fabulous. Warsaw, which has far fewer pubs (so it seems), actually has a lot of better and more individual ones.

3. English tourists stink, but the Irish are worse
Having lived in London for many years I was used to having tourists around so I didn’t think much of the habitual Polish bellyaching about ‘turyści’. Of course what I had forgotten is that London isn’t full of English tourists on EasyJet booze-cruises, it’s full of nice civilized Spaniards, Frenchies, Italians, Japanese and Americans (well, you know what I mean). English chavs on the booze in Krakow are an absolute nightmare. Fortunately they rarely wander further than the confines of the Old Town and Kazimierz, so they’re easily avoided, but when I do come across them I cringe with shame and pull my collar up around my ears. They’re loud, crude, immensely rude, and completely without respect. As far as I can see the only way they can cope with being in a place they don’t understand is to get very drunk and insult everything in site with hilarious turnip-and-tractor jokes. Having said that, whenever I’ve come across really bad cases of drunken stumbling around and bleary-eyed throwing up the culprits always seem to be Irish.

4. Most of Krakow is invisible
Krakow is a pretty big city. Ok, it doesn’t approach the scale of London, or Paris, or Berlin, but it is a big city with about a million inhabitants. From my point of view it feels like a medium-sized market town. This is because I have no need, desire, or inclination to visit the vast majority of it and therefore I don’t. Like dark matter in the universe, I know it’s out there but I’ll be damned I’ve ever seen it. Is this because I’m a lily-livered westerner who’s too scared to venture out of the safety of the Old Town? Not really, I’ve just never felt any particular inclination to see more tower blocks or grim industrial sites. I know there’s something called Nowa Huta out there to the east and I keep meaning to go and see it, honest, but somehow there always seems to be a better way to spend a Saturday afternoon.

5. Krakow needs more churches
Honestly, I walked down a street the other day and saw only three! Also more nuns, because sometimes it’s possible to walk for more than 20 yards without having to swerve to avoid a gaggle of them gliding down the street.

6. It’s true, there really is something special about Krakow
An awful lot of tourist sites bleat on about Krakow’s ‘special atmosphere’ and ‘unique ambience’ but you know what, it’s absolutely true. It’s not the pretty buildings of the Old Town, there are a hundred cities in Europe with similar architectural confectionary; it’s not the hundreds of bars and clubs (see 2); it’s not the restaurants and coffee shops, which are average at best; it’s not the ‘street performers’ (god help us); and it’s not the warmth and proficiency of the welcome (ahem); but it is something. Walking around the city on a warm summer’s day is truly a uniquely pleasant experience. I have no idea why but, somehow, it just works as a city in a way that very few other places do. Visit now and do your soul some good.

If you enjoyed this post why not visit my personal blog Wyspianski Unwinding
Or click on my Island1 on the left to see all my other posts on Polandian

Tagged , , , ,

Where to go in Poland (ADD version)

ADD = Attention Deficit Disorder, something that affects more than 85% of company executives, practically all teenagers and my wife.

Anyone considering coming to Poland for the first time, or first time as a tourist perhaps, might appreciate this very broad-brush overview of the options. I’m certain this will be expanded and generally gone into in greater detail as time goes by but this should be a good start.

Top of the list has to be the city of Kraków and surrounding area. There are many towns worth visiting in Poland but none can bring the history, architecture and buzz together on the same scale as Kraków (Cracow or Krakau – depending on which map you’re looking at). Krakow was the capital of Poland from 1038 to 1596 and has been a leading centre of Polish scientific, cultural and artistic life ever since. Unlike Warsaw, it was spared the ravages of war and came out of WWII pretty much intact so the architectural history is very much still there to see as you walk around. Nothing exemplifies this better than the market square, at 200m x 200m it is the largest medieval market square in Europe and in summer especially, is really lively with bars all around the square and the magnificently turned out horse and carriage rides trying hard to keep up with the demand. Be warned though, they are not all cute blonde babes like these below!

After the square, Wawel hill is the next stop to see the castle where the kings of Poland lived and the cathedral where they are buried. The last significant Krakowian landmark is the historical Jewish area of Kazimierz. Close by the actual site of Schindler’s factory (of Schindler’s List fame), Kazimierz is the historical home of Kraków’s once considerable Jewish community from the 14th century until the second world war. The area has been undergoing a renaissance in recent years and is now a trendy and cosmopolitan area to spend some time in.

You would need at least a day to see the places mentioned above as well as the rest of Krakow’s old town area, two would be better.

Close to Krakow (a taxi ride away) are the salt mines of Wieliczka, a world heritage site. These are one of the worlds oldest operating salt mines and have been active since prehistoric times. The maze of underground tunnels and caverns are amazing and some of the rooms the miners carved from the rock are spectacular, for example the massive Chapel of St Kinga. Just be aware, if you are claustrophobic or scared of lifts, the last time I visited the only way up (327m) is using mining style lifts which are a bit cramped.

Slightly further afield but still from a Krakow base are the infamous Nazi death camps of Auschwitz-Birkenau. These are around 1hr drive from Krakow and are a must see, if you think you can handle it. I’d recommend making sure you see both camps, they are within five minutes of each other by car. While Auschwitz gives a much more comprehensive picture of what it was like in these camps by use of exhibitions and so on, Birkenau has, in my opinion, a much more haunting presence as it has largely been left exactly as it was found.

A somewhat more uplifting experience can be found by driving south from Krakow into the mountain region to the town of Zakopane. Be warned though that this road is totally inadequate for the amount of traffic it gets. Drive carefully and expect a three hour drive. Zakopane is one of the largest and most commercial centres on the Polish side of the Tatra mountains. The air is clean and fresh and everywhere you go you have the sights and sounds of the traditional Polish mountain sub-culture. Be sure to try some of the mountain cheese, oscypek, it’s very tasty, especially when grilled/fried.

So, all in all, the Krakow and surrounding area trip alone could easily occupy you for five days or more, without allowing for time to get to Krakow in the first place. I find the train from Warsaw is by far the easiest and takes around 2.5 hours. Driving from Warsaw would take around four hours but there are also many flights direct to Kraków these days.

If you have even more time available then you could try either the Polish “lake district”, Mazuria, or the Polish Baltic seaside. These are both in the opposite direction from Krakow, north from Warsaw. The lake district takes between two and four hours drive depending on which part you choose and the seaside is anywhere between five and ten hours drive away. Neither of these areas are served by good (fast) train routes, nor by cheap flights to handy airports.

The Baltic seaside has some great beaches, wild dunes, an awful lot of amber and wonderful grilled fish. Roughly similar to the British seaside including the unpredictable weather but you won’t find any rock to suck on. If you are in the right part of the coastline the you must take in Gdansk and the whole tri-city area with Gdynia and Sopot. Gdansk has, in my opinion, the best old town area after Kraków. An easy way to pass a week is between these towns, the surrounding coastal areas and the Hel peninsular. It’s not often you say you have been to Hel and back and really mean it, is it! Also while in this region you can also easily pop down to Malbork to the castle of the Teutonic Order, built in 1274 and now another of Poland’s UNESCO world heritage sites. This is, I suppose, maximum an hour’s drive from Gdansk.

The lake district offers plenty of opportunity for messing around on boats and in kayaks. Some beautiful unspoilt countryside with rolling hills, trees, lakes, meadows, little wooden churches. I can understand why Hitler built his Wolf’s Lair here (well worth a visit). Did he have a kayak?

If you’re in the part of the lake district that lies in the top right-hand corner of Poland, you can quite easily take a day trip, or weekend break to Lithuania, Vilnius for example.

Both the lake district and seaside are very popular with Poles in the summer months – late June to early September. This is good because there is a lot going on but the downside is many more people and HORRIBLE traffic.

These are just the main areas. There are many and varied other delights to be found in Poland. For example Krynica Zdroj, a spa town in the Tatra mountains where you can engage in general winter jollity as well as “take the waters” from one of the many pump rooms containing strange contraptions dispensing water that tastes like it’s come from rusty pipes but is supposed to be very good for you.

Or perhaps Kazimierz Dolny, a kind of arty-cum-healthy place about two hours drive from Warsaw. This is a good destination for a weekend trip with lots of cute tea-houses, art shops and chickens made from bread.

In general, I have thoroughly enjoyed what travelling we have done around Poland. Much of it is still very unspoilt, understated and you can find interesting moments around every corner. There is however so much more that could be done to exploit the immensely diverse history that has taken place on this soil as well as the wonderful nature that surrounds us. It is after all a history of one land, but of more than one nation. There are significant sites here for Poles, Jews, Germans, Catholics, Ukrainians and many many more. These significant sites are, for the most part, not as well developed as they would be, for example in western Europe, often not developed at all. If the Americans ever got in charge, the whole country would be like one massive Disneyland. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve happened across a particularly delightful or deeply interesting place and said something like “Now, if this was in England, that place would be a cute cafe and over there you could buy local produce, down there would be a souvenir & guide shop, this would be all lit up and………………”. Still, this is not England and that’s one reason I like it so much. I suppose development will happen as more and more people visit and we’ll just have to hope it is done tastefully such that it adds to the enjoyment rather than detracting.

You’ll notice I have not mentioned Warsaw yet. That’s partly because I don’t want to encourage more people to clog up my streets when you could all have more fun elsewhere but mostly because it’s just not a good tourist city, or area. Warsaw old town is nothing compared to others in Poland and the rest of the city is lacking anything of interest beyond WWII & Jewish history. The almost total destruction of the city during WWII means that there really is nothing much of any historical interest to look at. No ghetto to be seen for example. There is however enough here to keep you busy for a weekend, 3-4 days maximum. There are some very nice parks, Wilanów palace, the ‘Royal Route’ from old town down to Łazienki, the whole WWII & Jewish thing, Palace of Culture, couple of museums, couple of cemeteries, couple of shopping centres, the Cytadela and you’re outa there! Travelling out from Warsaw is also pretty naff. There is a national park but pretty lame compared to others. There’s Chopin’s birthplace, which is only worth doing if you’re a Chopin nut, and …well….that’s about it!

If you want more advice just ask. Otherwise, you can find more photos in my gallery.

Have a fun trip to Poland!

Tagged , , , , , ,

Ten things to remember when you have a Polish girlfriend

There are an awful lot of guys out there in Poland (and elsewhere) with Polish girlfriends. It’s not always an easy thing, I know and I feel your pain. This is the definitive list of ‘things to remember’ …at least until I think of the next definitive list.

1 Her name
Bear with me, I’m not being (completely) flippant. About 90 percent of all women in Poland are named Magda, Ola, Anna, Dorota, or Kasia. That’s it. This can be confusing. If you can’t remember your Polish girlfriend’s first name ask her what her second name is. Everybody has a second name here. Unfortunately it’s usually just one of the above, but you might get lucky and come across a Jadwiga (if you’ll pardon the expression).

2. Women’s Day
This is one of approximately 74 occasions during the year when you are required to give a Polish girlfriend flowers. Flower-selling is an immensely profitable and stable business in Poland. There are flower sellers everywhere and, until recently, they were about the only businesses that stayed open on a Sunday. Women’s Day? It’s in April some time; look it up. I’m not even mentioning Valentine’s Day; that’s so obvious that you entirely deserve to lose a testicle if you forget it in Poland.

3. She is a a princess
Polish girls are brought up in the tradition of old-fashioned chivalry and deference to the ‘weaker sex.’ That means YOU carry the bags, open the door, mend things, make tea in the morning, escort her to the bus stop etc. When a little exasperated by this I often point out to my girlfriend that she’s being a ‘bit of a princess’ to which she usually smiles and flutters her eyelids in complete ignorance of the negative connotations of the phrase in British and American English. Oh well.

4. Walking is impossible
Part of the chivalry thing mentioned above is the expectation that whenever you are walking somewhere together she should have her arm looped through yours. Down narrow and crowded streets this makes progress painfully slow. It’s sweet, and I kind of like it sometimes, but it would be nice to walk through crowded areas in single file sometimes instead of having to go through ridiculous sideways-shuffling maneuvers, every five feet.

5. You are furniture
While trying to relax and watch a film in which hundreds of Russian troops are hosed down by panzers she will use you as a pillow / footstool / nose-scratching device. This is also kind of sweet and nice, but it can make it hard to concentrate on the body count.

6. She has a mother…
…who regards you with more than a hint of suspicion. Polish mothers of that generation are convinced that foreigners are godless, feckless, untrustworthy imps sent by satan to steal their daughters and carry them off to London / Dublin / Des Moines. In other words, they are remarkably well informed. You have two choices; get your act together and behave like a decent human being or avoid the mother like the plague. Neither is painless.

7. Your food is not your own
It’s a well known fact amongst men that women mysteriously become ravenously hungry only when you happen to have a large plate of long-anticipated chips in front of you. However, the effect does seem to be particularly pronounced among Polish women, who claim to eat almost nothing. Always, and I mean ALWAYS, order or cook more than you can possibly eat because your stick-thin Polish girlfriend will inevitably develop the appetite of a blue whale the moment her anxiously selected ‘small salad’ arrives.

8. You can kiss other women
She has female friends and it’s perfectly acceptable, in fact encouraged, for you to kiss all of them up to three times every time you see them. Exactly where you put your hands while you are doing this is a issue I have yet to resolve successfully. Still, it’s an up side.

9. She’s smarter than you are
The Polish education system is a marvel and good education is respected above almost everything else here. Chances are that your Polish girlfriend not only speaks English, German, and Russian (how many languages do you speak) but also has a pretty good grasp of a lot of things that you slept through at school. You’re only hope is to pretend that such things ‘aren’t considered important in Western culture’ and shrug until she buys it.

10. …uh oh
I’ve forgotten the last one! I’m in big trouble.

If you enjoyed this post why not visit my personal blog Wyspianski Unwinding
Or click on my Island1 on the left to see all my other posts on Polandian

Tagged , , , , ,