Polandi-Leaks

Mysterious Internet superhero Island1 Assange has recently published the contents of six-and-a-half billion pieces of paper he found in the bins behind the Polish Ministry of Foreign Affairs.

Startling revelations being poured over by the world’s media include hints that Jarosław Kaczyński might be “a bit suspicious” of the Russians and that Radosław Sikorski spelled the word “zucchini” wrong twice on a shopping list.

Among printouts of secret emails sent from Poland’s far flung embassies and notes written on the back of unpaid gas bills are tantalising glimpses of the high-powered world of international diplomacy. Highlights include:

Poland’s ambassador to Ireland, Tadeusz Szumowski, begging to be allowed home before he has to eat his shoes…

An inter-office competition to photoshop the most amusing moustache on Angela Merkel…

Not official Polish policy

Warnings from the the Polish consulate in Nottingham that the locals are getting dangerously close to perfecting a recipe for bigos…

Complaints from embassy staff in Moscow that Putin has hidden all their toys and is a “horrid, nasty man”…

Putin a “big meanie”

An application from the Hotel Kinga, Pcim, to accommodate secret CIA prisoners (rejected on humanitarian grounds)…

Details of a black propaganda operation aimed at ruining the reputation of that “smug bastard” Colin Farrell…

Polish authorities have expressed a desire to “talk” to Island1, who is believed to be in hiding somewhere under the bed.

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5 thoughts on “Polandi-Leaks

  1. bob says:

    No comments yet – how could that be??

    Well, the daily leak that is appearing in the mass media in Warsaw today:

    Cable from US Embassy to Hilary C.

    “Teletubbies reportedly seen entering and exiting apartment of Jarek “K” numerous times during 2009. The one carrying the purse appears to spend most time ensconced in said apartment”

  2. Sylwia says:

    LOL

    And here I thought that our Polandi-Leak was that Columbus was Polish. Or was it “temat zastępczy”?

  3. OllyEast says:

    LOL that Columbus was Polish was the best news ever, did somebody mention snow in UK?

  4. LOL, I love this news!

  5. Peter says:

    Can you actually substantiate that Merkel’s photoshopped moustache is not Poland’s official policy?

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