Most people associate Eastern Europe (actually Poland is in Central Europe, see Myth #46) with grey skies, icy winds, and blizzards. The number of times I’ve told people in the UK that I live in Poland and get the response “Brrrr, it must be chilly over there!” Well, it is in the winter yes, but they’re always astonished to hear that I’m luxuriating in 30-something-degree temperatures for four months of the year while they’re shuffling around in the perpetual drizzle that masquerades as the British summer. For some inexplicable reason most British people imagine that Poland is somewhere in the Arctic and therefore more or less perpetually under six feet of snow. Weird. Polish summers are lovely, especially down here in the south. You can depend on long stretches of hot sunny weather from late May until late August, and often beyond. When rain does fall it usually does so all at once in evening thunderstorms, which clear up quickly leaving the air fresh and cleansed.
It’s called a continental climate people; hot dry summers and cold snowy winters. Look it up.
According to the author James Hopkins, writing in the Guardian newspaper Poland has made a significant contribution to world culture, not least in the field of literature. Hopkins first visited Poland in 1998 and was amazed by the reverence shown to writers and books – so much so, in fact, that he later moved here to write his first novel. Here’s his list of 10 ten Polish books translated into the English language. He says “you may have to hunt for one or two of the titles listed below but, believe me, you’ll be rewarded”.
“1. The Collected Poems, Zbigniew Herbert (coming in November from Atlantic Books)
Not only Poland’s finest poet but also one of the best of the 20th century – he died in 1998. Inexplicably overlooked by the Nobel Academy, who instead honoured two of his compatriots, Czeslaw Milosz (1980) and Wislawa Szymborska (1996), Herbert’s work draws on classicism and mythology, though often to lampoon any system’s claim to completeness. In 1981, he gave his voice to Poland’s nascent Solidarity movement. His wry poems are modern, European, mischievous and frequently breathtaking. He influenced my first novel and I returned the favour by pinching my subtitle – ‘Conversation with the elements’ – from a line in his wonderful poem, ‘A Journey’.
2. A Minor Apocalypse by Tadeusz Konwicki (Dalkey Archive Press)
A classic, dark satire of communist times in which a struggling writer is asked to set fire to himself, by way of protest, in front of the hideous Palace of Culture and Science in Warsaw. In an ‘age of sorcerers and soothsayers dying away, all those prophets and messiahs who failed to save the world’, Konwicki steps in to offer a little magic, a little poetry and a little guidance in a grim totalitarian world.
3. Pornografia by Witold Gombrowicz (Marion Boyars)
Susan Sontag described Gombrowicz (1904-1969) as “one of the super-arguers of the 20th century” and who are we to disagree? The undisputed master-stylist of Polish literature, Gombrowicz offers, in Pornografia, a novel of role-playing, voyeurism and (one of his abiding themes) the joys of prolonged immaturity. Only last year, his wickedly playful novels were removed from the school syllabus by the Polish minister of culture on the grounds that they were corrupting Polish youth. “Alas!” writes Gombrowicz. “After the age of 30 men lapse into monstrosity!”
4. The Beautiful Mrs Seidenman by Andrzej Szczypiorski (Abacus)
The story follows the arrest of Irma Seidenman, one of the last surviving Jewish women in Nazi-occupied Warsaw. With a fine balance between poetic tenderness and an unflinching account of the brutal realities of the day, Szczypiorski shows us the intertwining lives of the few Poles, Jews, and Germans who risk everything to save her. Szczypiorski himself fought in the Warsaw Uprising of 1944, then survived Sachsenhausen concentration camp. His experiences are brought to bear with both shocking and heart-warming brilliance.
5. The Fictions of Bruno Schulz (Picador)
A self-confessed “parasite of metaphor”, Schulz treats us to a rich poetry of transformation. A magically-drawn panoply of characters range from an eccentric father in the attic, to Adele, the maid, for whom the narrator harbours a self-flagellating love. It’s a painstakingly vivid evocation of life in a cluttered shop threatened by the merchants along The Street of Crocodiles. One moment Schulz is darkly foreboding, the next he bursts into colour and flight. As he once explained, he writes of “the state of spellbound suspension within a personal solitude”. And you will be spellbound, too.
6. House of Day, House of Night – Olga Tokarczuk (Granta)
One of the leading lights of contemporary Polish literature, Tokarczuk was once a psychiatric nurse with a fondness for Jung. Her writing frequently investigates the borders between waking and sleep. This wise and moving novel is set in a town lying on a geographical border and steadily reveals the secrets and dreams of its disparate inhabitants, and was the winner of the prestigious Nike prize in Poland. Also worth discovering is Farewell to Plasmas (Twisted Spoon), a sharp and witty collection of vignettes by Tokarczuk’s friend, Natasza Goerke.
7. New Poems by Tadeusz Rozewicz (Archipelago Books)
The last living truly great Polish poet, and, like Herbert, unlucky to have been pipped tothe Nobel by two compatriots. New Poems translates the last two collections in Polish from this 86 year-old poet and playwright. A soldier in the Polish land army during the war, who had a brother murdered by the Gestapo in ’44, Rozewicz saw that ‘at home a task / awaits me: / To create poetry after Auschwitz.’ He accomplished this with unflinching wit, poignancy and elan.
8. Tales of Galicia by Andrzej Stasiuk (Twisted Spoon)
Galicia was a district of the Austro-Hungarian Empire encompassing southern Poland and western Ukraine, which Stasiuk recreates on his travels, encountering all sorts of fascinating characters on the way. Like Tokarczuk, the prodigiously creative Stasiuk likes to investigate the hinterlands and the rich seam of stories buried therein. He, too, is one of the forerunners of contemporary Polish literature, highly regarded in Germany as well as his homeland.
9. Castorp by Pawel Huelle (Serpent’s Tail)Taking Hans Castorp from Thomas Mann’s Magic Mountain, Huelle pictures the reluctant young scholar’s student days in Gdansk. Love and mysteries ensue, alongside a sly indictment of German colonialism. Gdansk-born Huelle is an internationally recognised author whose other novels translated into English include Mercedes-Benz, a charming homage to Czech writer Bohumil Hrabal, and Who Was David Weiser? which is fast becoming a modern classic.
10. Death in Danzig by Stefan Chwin
A magically melancholy (ie quintessentially Polish) novel, focusing on Hanemann, a German doctor, who remains in Danzig at the end of the war after most Germans have been expelled. A paean to the troubled history of Gdansk/Danzig, Chwin marvels at what endures though such turbulent times, from small personal triumphs to a range of bewildering, often talismanic objects, all beautifully evoked”.
I am an avid reader but have not read any of these…Here’s two questions – 1) Which one would you recommend, if any, that I read and why? 2) Are there any Polish books not on the list that I should read and why?
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Some of you may need to know what Poland and Poles are truly like or about.
The saying is: “truth shows when wine flows”. When someone goes sloshed(wards), their mind starts closing but their mouth starts spilling the beans (beside some grosser things) — so you can learn a lot. Yet, though any potent wine, plonks included, can do the trick – you have to stay sober yourself — and the timing is crucial since Poles are not heavy drinkers.
By making a Pole angry, you’ll make him utter his loud truths. I wrote “him” and “his” as men are socially permitted to give in to their aggression and they get fuming freely, unlike women. (And the generalisation I’ve just made is only to make the female reader angry. Quote, “Hell hath no fury like a woman”, unquote.) By the way, discussing Polish women is some evergreen hellraiser.
Optionally, you may consider hints about how to make Poles angry as warnings what not to discuss with them. Take the nukes, hide them in your arsenal, and pray no one steals or uses them.
The nukes will be my next 7-8 posts — discussing:
1. Polish sportsmen. (Why 30 years’ old memories of clowns are young?)
2. Polish soldiers. (Why they never won their battles, anyway? The whole truth in two half-truths.]
3. Polish artists. (Why no one heard of them?)
4. Polish scientists. (Why they speak American English?)
5. Polish workers. (Why miners, teachers, pensioners won’t get to decent work?)
6. Polish friends. (And how to use them.)
7. Poles who have to be Polish. (Though they don’t want to or don’t know why.)
[There will be more, but only if your comments make me angry enough.]
Who do the Poles hate (dislike, mistrust) the most – Russians or Germans?
I thought I would give this question an airing, just to save you the time when you visit! :)
I’ve asked this a few times, not so much recently, and I’ve never really felt I got a straight answer. I have certainly not been able to answer the question. The nearest I can come is “Both (or neither), but it’s a very personal thing”.
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Sensitive content warning: this post contains sexual references and swearing, which some people may find offensive.
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There are some things that make everybody laugh regardless of their cultural background. There are, however, some differences in sense of humour between nations. Even in the English-speaking world, some things that are dead serious to Americans seem incredibly funny to the British (and probably vice-versa).
Here’s a subjective list of things that are guaranteed to make Poles laugh:
1. The Czech language
The thought that a language might make people laugh may sound surprising, but it’s true. The Czech language sounds ridiculously funny to the Polish ear. Although both languages derive from a common core and have many similarities they evolved for centuries on their own. Most Czech words sound to Poles like diminutives of their own words, pronounced with an awkward accent, which could be likened to dwarf-speak. What is more, many similar-looking and sounding words have completely different meanings. Simple notices about bus departures at a bus station in the Czech Republic can make a Polish person laugh like crazy; the Czech word for ‘departures’ means ‘faeces’ in Polish. ‘Laska’ (Czech for love) is Polish for ‘blow job.’ I could go on like this for a long time. Anything, which would be normally regarded as funny – when it has the Czech factor added – leads to Poles going completely mental.
An example of Czech language:
and again, with modern audio:
2. Foreign people speaking Polish
Foreign people speaking Polish, or foreign people generally, used to be a very rare thing in Poland. Hearing them speaking Polish is always entertaining. If you’re a foreigner and you want to make the atmosphere more relaxed, say something in Polish (and try to squeeze in some mistakes). Poles will be impressed by your effort to learn their language, that many people regard as difficult (but don’t be fooled, it’s pretty easy).
Example of foreign people speaking Polish:
3. Politics
Political jokes and political satire during communist times were a way of coping with the annoyances of the system. And there was always something to laugh about. There was a saying that Poland was “the merriest barrack in the communist camp.” This approach to politics continues today, and it has to be acknowledged that Polish politicians basically write scripts for comedians with their irrational acts.
Polish politics meets The Muppets
4. Poland
This might come as a surprise, but Poles love to laugh at themselves (but they don’t like it when others do so) and everything that is substandard, weird, awkward, broken, or baldly organised in this country.
5. Westerners
The way that westerners don’t understand some things about Polish reality makes many people laugh (and others sigh). Westerners used to be particularly funny in the past, when Polish reality was more complicated, and they were thought to be unable to comprehend it. The lost foreigner used to be a regular feature in Polish comedy films and series.
6. Hong Kong
Look how people laugh when you mention Hong Kong
7. Peasant people
Years of communism and appreciating the working class and peasant people didn’t really work on the Poles. Peasant people or unqualified workers are commonly associated with inarticulate language, bad grammar, poor vocabulary, tasteless demeanour and occasional problems with personal hygiene. They are a constant source of fun for urban and middle-class Poles. They are mercilessly mocked by the whole pop-culture.
(Stereo)typical peasant person (here fragments of a genuine local election advert):
Poles are in fact huge snobs.
8. Lack of general knowledge
As stated above, Polish people have a tendency towards snobishness. This, combined with an education system focused on feeding students general knowledge basics from all disciplines, makes Polish people sensitive to signs of lack there-of. Not knowing the capital of Bolivia, the main river in Russia, or the exact date of the battle of Racławice, can put you to shame. Be warned. Have ways of escaping questions of this kind in advance. Or you might become a laughing stock.
9. Mohair berets.
In the Polish army different beret colours stand for different departments in the army. Mohair berets stand for the elderly ladies (babcias), followers of a local powerful conservative ultra/pseudo-Catholic televangelist leader. Mohair berets is their favourite headgear – and the faithfulness and discipline they they display resembles that of the army – hence the name. Mohair berets are guardians of the social order as they see it. Although in popular belief mohair berets are perceived as blind-to-argument, overwhelmed by all sorts of conspiracy theories, uneducated, aggressive, and xenophobic.
Cabaret mocking mohair berets:
Mohair beret lady arguing her political views calls a street seller speaking for news tv a ‘bitch’:
10. Psychodelic Christian music-videos
Here is the original, aired on a Catholic show on Polish public tv with a genuine Catholic bishop. “Christian is dancing”
Remake
Cocaine-LSD remix
Then came mathematics remake “ Parabolas are dancing”
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